she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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