Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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