Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Everything about him screamed your future.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
