Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
