Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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