WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dignity is for republicans.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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