found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
