The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
