I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
