Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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