are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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