some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry about my life...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You left your phone here
Wait...
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