I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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