2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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