i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When are your genitals available?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
