lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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