listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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