This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
