Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
