I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so let's talk penis.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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