At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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