Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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