it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
