hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
