what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
