things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
