Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
