Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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