I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
