Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
