I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
