the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
smell my finger.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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