Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
