weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
