You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
