I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
