he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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