i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
