I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
