Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
