6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize