I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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