oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
bring money and cleavage
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize