She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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