I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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