My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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