it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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