"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
