I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
