i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
