i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize