I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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