hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
