At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
