watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
