you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize