he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
