I have demons in me.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
