the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
