When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At least life still wants to fuck me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
