I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
