Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
