I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
where am i from again
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i believe in u and ur pee
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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