morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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