i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize