I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
