did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
