Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
