I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize