Non-Jews are for practice
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
