Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
