I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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