just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
