Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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