Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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