Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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