about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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