Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
