it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize