I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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