i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
