You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
