No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
