Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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