Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
