Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
