He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
