There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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