So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
