I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
