Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
