I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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