it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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