Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
