She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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