david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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