hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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