This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
