It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
