lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
