That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
