So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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