Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
