so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
