Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
