So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you inspire me to be a worse person
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
