it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
