That's intense
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
