No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
