WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
