I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Randomize
